I've been asked to be part of an upcoming parenting panel for Canada AM exploring the dreaded "pukies". There's nothing more jarring to your mental routine that suddenly hearing, "Mom, I don't feel well".
I pride myself on a 0-1 absences per child per school-year record. I have three boys - so the math is simple. In general, my kids are healthy, but this stellar attendance record could only be achieved using my general rule of thumb:
"Unless you have a fever, or have fluids spewing from either end, you're going to school."
There is no grey area. A common cold, or the sniffles do not lead to missed school.
How to Spot a Faker:
This is easy using my fail-proof proprietary faker technique (PFT): if indeed a child is truly too sick to go to school, then they have to spend the day in their beds, resting and reading. No devices, no TV. Trust me, if a kid is REALLY under-the-weather, they want to spend the day in bed sleeping... A faker will usually get bored after about 20 minutes and beg you to go to school. No thermometer needed, only the Mom-ometer! If they are well enough to traipse along merrily on errands with you, they're not sick!!!
How to make a sick kid feel better:
A truly sick kid will get well much faster with some deserved, over-the-top TLC. Cuddles, back rubs, warm blankets fresh from the dryer, a popsicle or two and only speaking to them in a soft grandma-esque tone works wonders. Warning: depending on the kid, too much of this technique may lead to a "faker"...in which case you employ the above mentioned technique.
Tips for dealing with puke:
If the illness is of the explosive projectile variety, that's where I usually bail and call in reinforcements (my husband). Despite how vile, disgusting and gross it can be, there is a definite puke-plan readiness kit in place at our house.
If it's vomit we're ready, if it's an earthquake or flash-flooding, we're screwed.
As soon as someone skips a meal (that's clue 1) or mutters weakly, "my tummy hurts" (clue 2), we spring into action and do the following: get plastic mattress protector on bed (a smarter person would invest in 1 per kid's bed on a permanent basis), cover upper third of bed in towels, remove all duvets/quilts, wrap pillow in double layer of towels, find friendly looking receptacle (i.e. not an icky, smelly, dirt-stained garbage pail - that would make a healthy person sick to look at) and place on bedside table, walk child through the "run-to-the-toilet" technique as first course of action.
When the upchucking occurs, it is imperative that you react overly calm and relaxed as you deal with it (like you're just tying a shoelace or playing chess...no biggie), otherwise the kid might panic and burst into a gagging, coughing, crying frenzy - thus leading to more vomiting. Clean the mess quickly, have them brush their teeth, sip a tiny bit of water and go back to resting. Repeat this process as often as necessary until puking ceases.
Whatever you do, do not entertain the idea that all of those smelly, pungent vomit germs may have invaded their way into your fragile system - the thought alone could lead to phantom gagging in parents...which only doubles everyone's misery.
|Ferris Bueller would have never stayed home using my techniques|
What's your technique??